Traitors

Dogs don’t seem to be the smartest creatures.  They tow humans.  They follow their noses – sometimes oblivious to everything but the interesting smell. They chase sticks and balls that humans throw.  How embarrassing is that huh?  I would never chase a long grassy seed-head flicked casually across the lawn, or the end of a trailing piece of string.  Ok I might do that - occasionally - but I am only honing my finely tuned hunting skills, refining my reaction speeds.  I would certainly never return anything I pounced on and I NEVER do it on command. Fetching sticks?  Panting excitedly about the next pointless stick and leaping around?

Imagine my disgust one Autumn afternoon having followed my humans to the corner and, hidden, seen them cross the busy road and then stop.  (I knew they had stopped because I could still see their heads over the hummock where the lane kinks around on the other side of the big road.)  Well if they had stopped, then I could follow them, and topping the grassy hummock what do I see but my humans throwing sticks for a bouncing black and white dog – NOT ON A STRING! TRAITORS!

Traitors, Turncoats, Defectors, Double-crossing, Dishonest, Disloyal, Treacherous, INGRATES.  I lavish my attention on them, devote time to their training, bring them gifts, supervise their activities, conduct their appraisals, do sympathy when they are sad, and sleep on them to make them feel safe when they sit down.  And this is how they reward my patronage.

I refused to go home when they got back.  I stayed out for hours and hid.  They were most apologetic when I came back and said they were worried about me.  That’ll teach them.