Service

Note left under the bowls....

Dear Hoomans

Service standards in this diner have dropped off a cliff.  It's 2030 hours and I've been waiting ages to have my order taken.

I have to say I prefer the 'all you can eat' buffet laid out, awaiting my arrival, to this a la carte business.   

However, now that you are here taking orders, I'll have everything on the menu.

Furthermore, while you're here I'd like to mention that the toilets need upgrading and may I suggest you employ more diligent cleaners - the current standard of facilities is unhealthy.

OK OK I know that some of my fellow diners have regrettably poor control of their bowel movements, and others may simply be sociopathic filth but you can't expect your diner to get great reviews if you can't stay on top of the mess, and the health inspectors would have a field day.

When I've cleaned up the buffet and licked all the plates, I'll go and check under all the bird feeders and do a scrape of the lawn for anything those scavenging avians might might have overlooked. They are very messy eaters and are prone to a degree of squabbling amongst themselves - especially those cheeky starlings. I watch them from my daytime retreat under your shed.

Your shed by the way has the perfect amount of ground clearance for hedgehogs.  We also dash under there if we see you coming out after dark. Would you consider building in the sides a bit to improve the shelter it provides?

One last request: do something about that rat Siberian Hamster.... That won't look good on the reviews either.

Yours with prickly attitude

Meredith 

(Yes that really is my name. Please stop referring to me by your generic 'hedgie').