Rat Killer and Rat Bag.

Hi, we are Fergus and Jock.  That F person who turned up last week calls us Fearrrgus and Weeee Jock, but we are the same size (give or take). 

Fergus: F has said that if I stood still I'd make a passable coffee table. I suspect that might be an insult to my carefully cultivated broad, flat back.  You don't get a back like this by turning down food.

Jock: we are very practiced at doing the eyes thing, but although she spends plenty of time in the human kitchen, that F person doesn't seem to be armed with a supply of tidbits for small cute k9s.

Fergus: We tussle daily over head dog position. I'm older by 5 or 6 human years, so I should have first dibs on treats.

Jock:  Older you may be, but you came to team up with Mati, and in the heirarchy around here she answers to the Boss, while the Boss is my human so I'm closer to the top than you. 

Fergus: More links in the network doesn't make me lower than you, it makes me better connected. And besides, I have charming sticky uppy ears while you have strange drooping ones with long tufts on the ends like something out of a Dr Seuss illustration.

Jock: Ears,  schmears.  In the rat kill count I'm ahead 4-1. When the humans shifted the chicken tractor yesterday you didn't even get 1. I got the biggest rat there ever was!

Fergus: Skite. You were just lucky it ran out your side, and as for rat killer, the Boss had to step in and help you out.  That rat was laughing at you.

Jock: I admit it was making a lot of noise, but I assure you it wasn't laughing.

Fergus: I drive the forklift truck

Jock: We both do, and the quad bike, although I have to say that F person makes a hell of a hash of backing the little trailer on the quad bike.  What's she doing dragging old bikes around from the shade house and making those big piles of bike bits in the yard?

Fergus: Beats me, but I spend hours supervising her from the floor inside the office door.  She's making it all complicated now by lining up square buckets and sorting out parts.  They all smell the same to me and there are no lollies in any of them.

Jock: I think the Boss is quite pleased. He has moved all the random bikes from in front of the smithy and dumped them where she is occupied on the verandah of the old office.

Fergus: Do you think the Post Office van will deliver any parcels today? The Postie always has lollies.

Jock: We could wander down the farm and see if we can find a dead thing to chew on and roll in.....

Fergus: Do that and you will be thrown in the pond. You know how much you hate swimming.

Jock: I swam after the Boss on Sunday.  He jumped into the pond and someone had to save him.

F: and you should have seen your eyes when you realized what you had done and needed to swim  back again. Even Fergus was looking a bit out of his depth chasing you and Bro around the boat. It was a brave move given that little Amir was in the boat and isn't yet entirely in control of the way he circulates the oars.

Fergus: Aaahhh....Point in my favour... Amir loves me and always want 'Fergus come too' when he's here.

Jock: (changing subject) Did you see that hare in the garden this morning?

F and Fergus (in unison): yes we all saw it. You know it crosses the garden every morning, and even stops to stare in the floor length windows at us staring out at her.

F: There were ducks in the garden last night too; after you 2 went to bed.

Jock & Fergus: let us at 'em.  We'll chase 'em. We'll chase 'em.

(Translations: skite = braggard, lollies = dog treats  Amir = 'practice' grandson)