My gorgeous sister-in-law scores very high on ADHD attributes (like 48 out of 50 high). Since being alerted to that by her son (my nephew, officially diagnosed/defined after burning out following the birth and early childcare years of his son) she has deeply researched what that means, and what it represents in her life. She did that in order to decide whether to get a formal assessment and diagnosis or choose to adapt how she tries to operate in a modern society; a society that until recently hasn't acknowledged wide diversity exists in human neuro function.
My own view, for what it's worth, is that neuro-diversity has a role in the success of humans as a species, how we adapt, survive, thrive. It should all be celebrated, but I've seen both SiL and nephew collapse under the strain of not fitting in.
SiL talks about 'executive function', something she asserts I have in spades (lots of it). I'd never heard the term until a year or so ago (SiL used it) but it's something to do with being able to organize and motivate oneself. Task orientation.
Many ADHD people struggle to get started on tasks, even ones really important to them, and among the myriad things I've learned about neuro stuff over recent months is that without knowing how where when or why I adopted or developed them, I have many habits and personality quirks that are co-related to good stress management, good mental health (and sound physical health - although mind and body should not be regarded as separate health spheres), and lack of anxiety issues. I also get stuff done.
Occasionally I resort to a list. It happens when I'm considering a huge project with many facets and am struggling to develop clear priorities. I recognize a sense of overwhelm and go into list mode. The latest version was to walk around here with a camera and photograph the things which I (a) want fixed or changed and (b) can do something about and then write on each photo a description of the activity.
As the item was completed I drew a big blue tick across the photo.
What I noticed within a week was that I had quickly done all the tasks that were discreet and complete-able. However, I struggled to even start those that were nebulous, open-ended, or ongoing.
Piles of firewood dragged out of the bush were quickly processed and stacked, a path cleared, a drain dug, potted plants now have roots in soil in the nascent landscaping beginning to take shape.
Harder to achieve were any tasks I'd described as "do something about..." Many of those were tasks I've been picking away at for 16 months - controlling gorse and blackberry, composting bio-mass, moving earth, improving the veg garden. That, or the tasks were too large to complete in a day or two - like building a gabion retaining fence along one boundary or building a 3 metre x 3 metre raised bed garden for gooseberries and blueberries. The magnitude of the idea needs breaking down into smaller discreet and do-able instructions to myself.
Having realized all that I saw a hack from one of the ADHD heroes I follow on insty-thing. She never tells herself to clean the kitchen. She starts with an instruction to self to "wipe the bench". Once started the famous ADHD hyper-focus can kick in and hours later the kitchen could be sparkling (or the bench could be wiped over half and she's moved on to some completely unrelated activity - but I get that. Distractions are everywhere and often it's not the thing you intended to do but something creative or beautiful or fulfilling has been done instead.)
Anyway I'm not on any scale ADHD - not the creativity, not the hyper-focus, not the outside-the-box problem solving... none of the super powers that go with all the pain and self-doubt and anxiety… but I have learned and continue to learn so much more from my neuro-spicy family and friends and believe that we all benefit from the part the neuro diversity of humans holds in the past and future of humanity.
Hari OM
ReplyDeleteYay for the variety that is the human thinking power - in all its amazing forms! YAM xx
We used to talk about square pegs in round holes, but without those square pegs many discoveries would have taken much longer to find. Einstein, Edison, da Vinci, Picasso, Van Gogh are now all thought to have had ADHD. Bill Gates and Walt Disney are two more modern examples.
ReplyDeleteI have two grandsons with ADHD, one quite severely and extremely bright (per educational psychologist) , and one great-grandson. The world is difficult for them to navigate.
It's good that neuro "normal " people learn to allow for the creative divergent people. We need both.
ReplyDeleteOne way to help people who have ADHD, is just what you did here today. I have seen ADHD children but did not recognize it in adults and have never really even thought about adults having it. I thought the kids grew out of it. AWARENESS will help others to think about what they see in others. great post.
ReplyDeleteI am a list maker and a getter done person and will soon be in my backyard making the NEW list of pictures. what a great idea. One reason I am unable to post regularly now, as a caregiver, is when the creative part of me takes over, I see nothing or hear nothing, writing or drawing. Bob will say I asked you 3 times for water, or I will hear the dog licking a dry water bowl, eventully. In create mode, I will turn off the timer that means give Beau his pain pill, twice a day, turn it off and then hours later realize I did not give him the pill.
Because of this, I must just give up writing or posting because I totally forget the things I NEED TO DO
I also am a take charge person, get it done! and forget that the people I am working with are NOT the way I am and turn bossy...
neuro diversity , different wiring , trying so hard to comprehend and navigate through the neuro typical world . Thus masking, thus not being present in the moment, thus lack of memory . Finding a vocation that requires hyper focus, as ADHD enables, such as dentistry or surgeon is beneficial to all. When un-diagnosed they seem odd, and come across as assholes sometimes, misunderstood neuro wiring. It is like some one asking the blind to SEE! They can not but can use tools to get by. I will say, though , that a neuro typical living with a person who is ADHD is frustrating at the very least! It is a sad realization.
ReplyDeleteMr B is somewhere on the ADD scale - runs in his family. The thing I find hardest to shrug off is the rejection sensitivity.- perceiving criticism or rejection in anything and everything - said or gestured; none of it intended in anyway a tejection or criticism. I end up defending, apologizing (for his interpretation), walking on eggshells in case something else I say in all innocence offends his delicate ego. The negative energy of being rejection sensitve must be life-sapping - just being a witness to it can drain the joy out of a day.
DeleteVery good read today... such important thoughts for appreciating those we love no matter how their brain works. My favorite sentence... "I recognize a sense of overwhelm and go into list mode." This is exactly what I do.
ReplyDeleteHe more I hear about ADHD and the spectrum, the more I realise that I fall into many
ReplyDeleteOf the characteristics.
But like most girls we figure out how to “ hide” them Which is why more boys are diagnosed compared to girls.
I’m like you. We need diversity, not only in the things we see, but in the things we don’t. Someone who can think outside of the box may well be able to fix the problem
After all. You can’t fix an issue from the Same mindset that created that issue.
That’s a novel way to list the things needed done. No chance of it getting mixed up with other pieces of paper and tossed away. Seeing is believing
ReplyDeleteBeing told "mum you are just like us " by AuDHD family .....when I've spent a lifetime trying to fit in /mask/help all of them..is in a way a relief!!
ReplyDeleteWith more and more people realising how their brains work it makes me wonder if we are actually "normal" and what is considered so these days...actually isn't!!..