Dinner Suit

A new black and white cat has turned up on my patch – one of those ones who look like a human dinner suit.

Despite his dinner suit he’s got ‘take-away’ tastes; he eats those cardboard cat biscuits my humans put out for the crows.

It’s a double-edged sword really; my views on feeding those flying thugs have already been expounded in this blog, so anything hovering up the free food should be good.  However I can’t have every stray feline opportunist in the neighbourhood treating my backyard like the burger stand at a public sports event!

Soooooo……..I had to chase him.  I waited until Mr B was watching so he’d get the message about these stupid cat biscuits and all the problems they cause.

Chasing worked well until ‘dinner suit’ reached the far end of the yard, whereupon he skidded to a halt and turned, standing his ground.  The ensuing conversation (in cat speak) went something as follows:

Him:  Well c’mon then – still feeling brave?

Me:  Get out of my garden, or I’ll make you.

Him:  Make me? You and whose army?

Me: I don’t need an army, BUT I have got back up.

Him:  Oh yeah?  Your mates the crows?  I’ve seen you hiding from them.

Me:  Just treating them with respect.  Anyway, that rubbish you’ve been eating is cardboard industrial waste.  I wouldn’t touch it.

Him: Snob!

Me:  Tramp!

Him:  Spoiled Posh Git!

Me:  Scrounging tow-rag!
 

Him: (starting to advance) What you gonna do about it?

Me:  (seriously fat tail) You’ll be sorry…… Mr B…(damn! Where IS he?)…..MR BEEEEEE……

 

It turns out that ‘dinner suit’ ain’t so tough after all.  He runs away at the sound of the house door opening…..